the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
