she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Randomize