Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize