I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
