somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
