Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
