three words: i give head
three words: not that well
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
