I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
3 2 1 whiskey
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
