I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
