It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Text me some of your sweat
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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