and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
