why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Too much gin, very little bucket
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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