When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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