yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
