Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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