clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize