It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
