I should be sponsored by Trojan
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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