That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
