And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
