I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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