your thong is hanging out like whoa
wanna go halves on a baby?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He passed out mid-signature
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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