he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
