I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
