Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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