Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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