Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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