So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
