Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I party with great urgency now.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
