i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
