cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
