Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
