i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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