We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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