I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I lost the right to judge tonight
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
