I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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