please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
