my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
