I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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