It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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