you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
