I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
