Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
