It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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