watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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