yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
How's work?
Spinning.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
