every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
