So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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