I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
