margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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