Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
