yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
