i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
