Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
