I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
this is an emotional support booty call
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
