Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
