She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
