How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
