The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
nutella sex= disaster
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
