At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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