oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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