I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
