I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
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