K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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