saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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