who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize