wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
