to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
