I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
