just tell him i said nine months
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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