i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
