I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
