I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
