I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
