I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
did i just pee glitter
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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