wrigley field is MILF paradise
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
