Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
