I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
