Old men and throwing up are my life now.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
