Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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