god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Can I color on your dick again?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
