Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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